Feeling Content

... Something I so rarely feel in this tumultuous world

Life has been so up and down for me throughout my many years on this earth. I’ve been through a lot (not that I’m complaining, just stating a fact): 44 years of child abuse, 6 years of domestic violence, more relocations than I can count, and homelessness. So when I say I feel content I’m saying something big and meaningful.

I’m truly at a point in my life right now that I’m happy with what I’m doing and feel like I really am making a difference. While I’m home 95% of the time I don’t even mind it whereas I use to hate being home and needed to go out and do things all the time. Now I’m happy to stay home and take care of the house.

Where does this contentment come from?

There are actually many things that I think have led to me being so content right now. Each of them serves a different purpose at making me feel whole.

Finding My Life’s Purpose

I think part of this contentment comes from finally finding my life’s purpose. I’d always wondered what on Earth I was here for. Sometimes I felt like I was simply taking up space. Now that I’m heavily involved as a domestic violence advocate I can look back at everything I’ve been through and see that it was all done in preparation for this moment. Sure there was a lot of struggle but there was also a lot of growth that prepared me for the here and now.

Finding My Spiritual Path

Another part of the contentment comes from finding out my true spiritual identity. While I was in the Christian church I always felt like I had to fight against myself to be someone that I wasn’t. I always felt like I had to do certain things in order to measure up - to be the person God expected me to be. It just never felt natural.

Now that I’m no longer part of the church I feel more at peace with who I am and know that God loves me for it. God didn’t create me to be something that I wasn’t, God created me to be the person that I am. This has allowed me to be open to many spiritual practices that are meaningful to me and still have God in the midst of it all.

What does all of this mean?

By no means am I saying that I’m done growing because I feel like the only time someone is truly done is when they’re dead and I’m only halfway through my life. I’m also not saying that I feel great everyday. (My chronic illnesses have really been kicking my butt lately - more about that at another time.) What I’m saying is that through all of this I’m at a point where my life has purpose. It has meaning and I’m able to act on that in a way to help others. This is something I truly hope other people are able to find for themselves someday.