What Now, America?
Protests, Parades, and the Road Ahead
What a time to be alive! Yesterday, America did what it does best—threw a massive nationwide protest and a military parade at the same time, because why choose between civic engagement and questionable spending when you can have both?
"No Kings" Protests: Democracy’s Group Project
Millions of Americans—somewhere between "a lot" and "way too many to count"—gathered peacefully in cities across the country to remind everyone that, hey, maybe we shouldn’t have kings? Bold stance. The protests were mostly calm, except in a few places where things got spicy—because nothing says "land of the free" like tear gas on a Saturday.
Meanwhile, in Minnesota, politics took a grim turn when two lawmakers were shot, proving once again that nothing unites this country like our shared inability to be normal about disagreements.
Trump’s Military Parade: Because Subtlety Is Overrated
Over in D.C., the government celebrated the Army’s 250th birthday (happy quarter-millennium, guys!) and Trump’s 79th (unhappy birthday, sir—here’s a tank!) with a parade so extra it could’ve been sponsored by Marvel.
Highlights included:
6,500 troops (because nothing says "happy birthday" like a standing army)
Tanks rolling through D.C. (just in case anyone forgot we have them)
Fireworks (to distract from the fact that attendance was… not what they hoped)
The whole thing cost somewhere between "$25 million" and "a scandal waiting to happen," which, honestly, is a steal compared to some influencer weddings.
What’s Next? (Besides More Headlines That Write Themselves)
Protests: Organizers say they’re "just getting started," which either means more democracy in action or more awkward family group texts.
The Parade Fallout: Expect think pieces titled "Tanks But No Thanks" and politicians pretending they totally didn’t approve the budget for this.
Minnesota Aftermath: A tragic reminder that some people take politics way too seriously—and not in the fun, "arguing on Twitter at 2 AM" way.
